The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

find the strength to live one more day

to push myself as far as I can go.



To wish for more than I own

and to be grateful for what I have





to dream one more dream

give a smile to someone that needs one



to laugh just one more day

even if the joke is that bad



to look in a mirror and find my good qualities

not the bad ones





find one more reason to live one more day.

COMMENTS

-

---

Sinora
18:46 Aug 28 2008

Today I know how that feels.

---

POST COMMENT

sitting here watching the forum in la rose...The threads have been hilarious and we've had a good time going on now for a few weeks...been a long time since weve had that many people particpate. While our standings arent up in the top five like they used to be, we no longer care if we make it to the top. We follow our coven motto of just have fun... the conference's in yahoo have been a ball and the addition of a few of the newer members have been a good move.



Tammy's trip has been the focus for most of the threads and the moon light is home's artistic work of making bobbleheads has been hilarious.

so good to see bad rose, adora and jens coming in and out of the forums. the old members returning to la rose has been welcomed with open arms and seems like theyve picked up where they left off.



the summer is drawing to a close and I look back to May when the summer started and while it was brief was the best summer ive had in a long time. filled with love and laughter. which is always a good sign. gearing up for the four new sites opening up here in about another week or so. this should be fun.



finding things to do. planted mums in my flower bed in time for the fall. the trees havent started turning yet but will be soon. the crickets still sing outside my bedroom window at night still delight me. and I try to hang on to the memory of it as winter always makes me wish to feel the sun warm on my face and the sultry hot nights to enjoy. Pat's son will not be coming home from Afghanistan as planned. His replacement hasnt arrived. so he must stay on active duty until then. Pat's not been her normal cheery self. but have let her talk it out. I feel bad for her. as this is his final tour of duty. shes ready for him to come home.

is love so fraigile and the heart so hollow

to shatter with words impossible to follow



saying im fragile i try not to be

i search only for something i cant see



lovers forever face to face

my city or mountains

stay with me stay

I need you to love me

I need you today



give to me your leather take from me, my lace.





leather and lace by stevie nicks-belladonna

today was one of those days seems like i cannot get anything accomplished. lost my internet connection.. went next door to my neighbors and found out the problem. her computer was acting up and ended up getting her computer straightened out. still not done but at least i got the signal back. ive been tweaking the story angelus and i are doing and ive promised him over a week ago id have it up. every time i went to work on it i lost the connection...growls...nothing like working on a rewrite and then lose it. talk about frustration...i did get two things ive been working on out of the way.



I still have alot to finish up. i dont mind being busy, keeps my mind occupied and away from those things that would definitly give me grief if i sit too long and ponder them. talked briefly to Angel today. work wasnt too bad. but i feel my time with kmart has ran its course. im tired of not having any money. i live paycheck to paycheck and truthfully im not asking alot. just enough to pay rent and buy groceries every now and then lol



maybe treat myself to a dvd or something. lol...just one of those days entering the twilight zone lol

added some songs to my player. Mostly songs I grew up with and alot of bluegrass and country music...been trying to find some of the fifities and sixties music I listened to. some blues and jazz which were my fathers influence. I think back now and see thats really where we get out influence from when it comes to music. Its not until we hit our teen years that we discover something more than what we listened to. thinking omg im listening to "OLD" people music. I laugh when Some hear of my selections of my favorite music from the seventies. thats considered old school. lol...I love all types of music and do not favor one. Heavy metal is still my favorite but sometimes its just nice to listen to what i grew up with. a nice way to bring back some fond memories.

taking the day for myself. Cleaned the apartment and have the boxes of what I wish to put into storage ready to go. already the apartment looks a little empty.. lol not like I had that much to begin with. I almost forgot my storage locker with my christmas decorations I give those to my girls and my sisters to use. Most of my halloween stuff is up at my moms already. I took my altar out of the closet and put it in a box..so it will taken up there.



when the time comes i just open up the apartment and tell my friends to take what they want. I have no use for what ronnie left behind anyway. For some reason I thought about him last night. Not so much about what he done but wondered if he would ever get whats coming to him and if he would ever learn he cant use and hurt people. I doubt it. The only thing left to do really is go through my clothes and keep what i want and give away the rest. and pack up the computer when the time comes. I sent a message to the animal sanctuary in kentucky. Ive dealt with them before so They should help.



Lol I saw some of the saddest little faces at work the other day.. Kids shopping for school supplies and I had to laugh when one little boy said he didnt want to go back, he was having too much fun this summer. He was sooo sad...His mother looked at me and said thank god. lol...I remember those days well. lol...alot of happy parents when school starts up lol..

Hot and Muggy. *snickers* heard from the three lazy assholes I work with. How they managed to get out of doing the truck is beyond me. Oh they had to do a layout in home and garden. thats soo important. taking pictures of dead plants. instead of stacking I opted to throw off the truck. that just means i put them on a line with rollers and the other associates pull them off the line and stack them. I worked with becky on the truck and shes awesome. She knows what shes doing. Worked with Brian. Hes a trip. He feels its his duty as my boss to aggravate the hell out of me. thats ok I give back as good as I get.



I paged him three times just for the hell of it. And when he would answer with what do you want. I innocently told him it wasnt me, he had me confused with syndey



took him a while to figure out we had no syndey. lol.





couldnt understand why people were looking at me strangly and asking me if i wanted to sit down. I was out of breath but no more than usual while working the truck. I went to the bathroom to wash my face as I was hot and sweaty working in the truck. I looked into the mirror and saw why they were concerned. My face was blood red. I washed off and went outside for my break. its gorgeous here today. glad to know i have tommorrow off.

the alarm woke me, blaring in my ear, rolled over and fumbled for the switch while i had my eyes closed..the cat's tail was smashed as i hit the button, his yowl woke me up..scared the hell out of me. Not a good sign I thought. i laid there snuggling my pillow, the day already hot and muggy. I got up and switched on the ac in my little bedroom.. and soon was rewarded with cooler air.. would be a perfect day to just lay in bed reading or taking a cat nap here and there.



Nah, too much to do as I looked around. Things needed to be packed and hauled up to my moms for storage. I paid this months rent and in a way am relieved to know I wont be living here too much longer. Will take a month to put the cats in the animal sanctuary down in kentucky. I cant leave them behind, not knowing that they will be taken care of.



I refused to move in with my mother. I love her and my girls but I cant take her bitching. If I move in with her I can see that its going to go badly right from the get go. Im used to being independent and doing things my way and not hers. and thats were the bitching comes from.



My lease is up in september and the way it normally goes if i choose to stay here month to month they will raise my rent. but if I sign another lease for another year they wont raise it

blackmail if you ask me. I talked it over with Tammy this morning and I have to make a decision soon. I dont have any reason to stay here anymore. Goddess knows Ive lived enough here. There are a few people Id like to see before I move out there or if and when I go to England. Once I leave the states It be quite a while before I ever set foot here and Im ok with that. Not like I cant stay connected to all that I love here.



Im finding more and more Im ready to move on and am anxious for the changes. Im more than ready for them. I love a good challenge. This isnt home to me anymore. Its just a place I come home to and sleep. Its quiet and lonely and empty. smiles not that Im complaining (lol) Ive had it alot worse.

I moved the computer to the bedroom and was given a spare phone. Perfectly happy to sit here on my days off. The cats lounging around near me , are reluctant to even leave me for a moment to eat. Mickey chirps and meows to be petted. More vocal than the other two. Miss Emma lazily lays on the top of my foot, Content to let me rub her with my big toe. Angel, lays at the foot of the bed, her green eyes a mystery. My nights spent here are always fun and interesting. Talked to Ozzy for a good bit. And then Jayme called to say hello, spent a good half hour or more just chatting with her. And spoke to rogue599 as we discussed our jobs as we both unload trucks for a living.



Starting to thunderstorm here and where The computer sits can look outside my window and watch it . The rain, softly falling sounds so good at the moment. Lighting flashes in the dark ominous clouds overhead. As the thunder shakes the building I live in. The cats arent so much bothered by it.



I Lit my first cigarette of the day and had my ever present glass of coke nearby since everyone knows I dont drink coffee. Checking my messages wondering how Jenny and Rachel are down in texas and hoping that they are ok. Read Angelus's Story as I do every morning. And left a comment. Smiles at the recent notes he left concerning the story we are taking turns to write. Its my turn and I really want to do good at this to make his heart stop lol. Loving the idea that we can just wander from idea to idea and there is no set rules to it. My advance composition teacher would be horrified to know Ive not taken her lessons well as she always encouraged to use an outline.



The day stretches out before me. An empty slate to fill. Have several projects I need to fulfill. I look to my pictures of my friends and family scattered here and there I smile,Time to get busy. this day waits for no one! Looks to yahoo. Tammy i need to track down. lol..she called for a bit yesterday and no clue where my beloved Coven mistress and friend is. she turn up eventually lol....

finally moved the computer into the bedroom and have a better signal everything is working great. tells me one thing. something is bound to go wrong for me eventually. We had an heat emergency today and anyone with a lung diease was encouraged to stay indoors and no strenous exercise. So thats me. But Kmart decided that I needed to unload the truck. Ok normally I dont bitch or just give dirty looks. I got off work at noon so i only had to unload for an hour. by the time i was done, i was hot and sweaty and had a headache. couldnt breathe but never let it be said I didnt do my job. I was dying but I did my job...lol







Ive been sitting here since I came home, playing in the forums and just having a good ole time flipping between both sites. not much going on.

probably watch a dvd after a bath...a nice long hot soak with bubbles sounds heavenly.